One of the best things I learned in my coaches' training program was how to formulate and use powerful questions. More than any other skill, this one has changed the way I have conversations, not only with co-workers, friends and family, but with myself, in how I talk to myself as a creator.

Brown Sparrow by Jammie Holmes 

Powerful questions can take a variety of forms, but their general intention is to:

• go deeper into a topic or to the root of an issue

• focus on the person rather than the problem

• set the table for possibility and invite expansive thinking

Messengers in the Wind by Rufino Tamayo

What makes a question powerful?

1.  A powerful question is open-ended.It's not a yes/no question, and it's not a question that has one answer. It's also not a leading question, where the question hints at what the answer is supposed to be. 

• Leading question: Do you think it would be a good idea for you to get a full-time job?

• Open-ended question: What are your options?

2.  A powerful question invites reflection, not simply information.

• Question for information: What happened?

• Question for reflection: How do you feel about what happened?

3.  A powerful question communicates curiosity with a tone of care rather than interrogation. Questions that begin with Why tend to put people on the defensive more than What or How questions do.

• Potentially Interrogating Tone: Why does this matter to you?

• Caring Curiosity Tone: What is important about this for you?

4.  A powerful question encourages expansive thinking.Questions that encourage abundance thinking rather than scarcity thinking help others discover more possibilities, rather than going for a quick or obvious solution.

• Restrictive thinking: What is the best use of your skills and time?

• Expansive thinking: What kind of person do you want to become?

In a coaching session or a conversation, powerful questions aren't the only kinds of questions that are productive. For example, a leading question or a restrictive question can help provide focus to a situation where a person is needing help with narrowing down options.

That said, I've seen time and again how a powerful question can open up a person's thinking or feeling and enable them to cut to the root cause to an issue, or tap into their true values and needs. A well-timed powerful question can be a generous way to hold space for someone who wants to deeply explore a problem, a decision, or an important topic. And in my personal relationships, I have seen how taking the time to ask powerful questions within a conversation has built more trust, connection and closeness. 

Photo of an unidentified girl, from the Portland Art Museum's recent exhibit Color Line: Black Excellence on the World Stage. The exhibit was originally part of an exhibit at the 1900 Paris Exposition by W.E.B. Du Bois, presenting photographs and data charts about African American life. 

Posing powerful questions is an art form in itself, but it’s not always something you can plan for in advance of a conversation. Those who do it best are able to form them in response to what has been shared. They improvise as the conversation evolves. They use their intuitive listening and pose questions that get to the heart of the matter. 

On SE 33rd Ave near Belmont, in Portland, OR.

Powerful Questions for Artists to Ask Themselves

Sometimes you're the only one in the room having a conversation. For artists of all types, there is solitary work to be done, to develop skills, to create something or to generate ideas.

In this scenario, it's easy for our self-talk to move into a critical tone that discourages us. "Why am I doing it this way?" "Why am I having such a hard time learning this song?" "Who is going to care about what I'm making anyway?"

This is where powerful questions can come to the rescue. They can spark our curiosity and remind us that we have several good choices.

The next time you're practicing, creating, or working on anything that is challenging, try asking yourself a few powerful questions. Here are a few possibilities to start with, but you will know best which questions will help you go deeper or move forward on the path:

• What will happen if I try this?

• What is important about this work?

• What is it about this art form that attracts me?

• What will happen if I don't do this work?

• What am I really curious about right now?

• What do I want to get out of doing this?

The Fury by Enrique Martínez Celada

Listening is a skill that is strangely difficult to do well. I mean, all we’re doing is hearing words, making sense of them, and not talking, right? But we all know that real listening takes a high level of steadiness and openness, in both our hearts and in our minds. And it takes rock-solid restraint to refrain from doling out advice or related stories rather than hearing our friends, family members and co-workers out to the fullest extent.

Kate Johnson’s book Radical Friendship is organized around the 7 qualities of a noble friend that are described in a passage from the Buddha’s teachings called the Mitta Sutta. One of these seven qualities is the ability to keep your secrets. These friends can be entrusted with your intimate truths, through compassionate listening.

Apparently, listening well has been a struggle for a long time, because Zen Buddhist teachings address several obstacles that get in the way of compassionate listening. As Johnson describes in her chapter about listening, these obstacles are framed in ancient texts as an analogy, The Four Cups.

Musicians Aoife O'Donovan, Sara Watkins and Sarah Jarosz - members of the band I'm with Her.

1. Our Cup is already full.

We think we know what the listener will say before we even hear it. We make assumptions, either because we know this person very well, or because we’re letting our biases obscure the complexity of the individual we’re listening to.

2. Our Cup is dirty.

Our listening can be contaminated in three major ways: greed, hatred, and delusion. Greed can be expanded to include ego selfishness and our own need to be liked and validated. Hatred in its more subtle forms includes judgment and comparison. Delusion is mental confusion that can be as innocuous as mental fogginess or as stubborn as willful ignorance.

3. Our Cup is upside down.

We refuse to listen to someone with whom we will surely disagree. There is no opening for dialogue.

4. Our Cup has a hole in it.

It’s in one ear and out the other. Whether it’s forgetful listening, distracted listening, or lazy listening that won’t stretch to integrate something new and potentially complex, this behavior communicates a lack of care for the person speaking as well as the content of what they are sharing.

Artists Jean-Michel Basquiat and Keith Haring

These 4 obstacles pretty much sum up all the ways my listening falls short, and I'm finding those cups surprisingly handy. The concrete image of a cup that is either full, dirty, upside-down or leaking wakes me up to how I can listen with more care, throughout the day.

And this doesn't only apply to how I listen to people. As a music lover, I realize that these obstacles get in the way of my true appreciation of it as well. For instance, when I hear a song by an artist who has been recording for many years, I assume I know their work and usually don’t bother checking out their new material. I also listen in a critical, competitive way to musicians who are making music similar to mine. I'm reluctant to listen to music whose themes will challenge my views, rather than considering them and trying to at least understand their perspective. And all the streaming services at my fingertips, I’m especially guilty of treating music casually, as background noise, and not giving it the full attention it deserves.

Painters Grace Hartigan and Helen Frankenthaler

I am still digesting all the wisdom from Kate Johnson’s clear, inviting book. I aspire to be a noble friend, but it’s a tall order! Paying attention to how I listen is an essential first step. And careful listening will enable me to befriend music more fully, too. 

Coaching through Transitions

Untitled, by Park No-Soo (detail)

Creativity is not limited to the arts. It's about approaching life with curious energy and letting our intuition guide us. I've been working with a number of clients recently who are facing big life transitions: changing careers, moving, retiring, parenting, or taking on new roles in their lives. In our sessions, we're bringing a dynamic creative process to the transition, as a path that eventually unfolds, rather than a problem to be solved.

If you're moving through a life transition and are curious about creativity coaching as a way to help manage all the change, I invite you to have a conversation with me. I offer a 30-minute free consult to explore the possibilities.

Over the holidays, I read Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. The book summarizes the research on the causes of modern stress, particularly for women, and proposes tools to navigate both the stressors and the stress responses they trigger. It’s a rich and readable resource for all genders.

Personally, the biggest take-away for me was the importance of building mental rest into my day. I already knew about the many health benefits of getting enough sleep. What I didn’t know is that our minds need an additional 2 hours of rest daily, to renew itself while we are awake.

This means letting our minds wander, and taking a break from focusing on a specific mental task. Neuroscientists describe this as engaging the default mode network in the brain. This network enables us to free associate, daydream, and take stock in an organic way. When we step away from task-oriented thinking, our minds get a chance to rest and renew itself.

Moving into default mode also activates our creative thinking, since it puts us in a zone to combine ideas that may not go together in our more analytical state of mind.

7 Ways to Move into Default Mode and Rest your Mind

1. Exercise. Walk, dance, or move your body without other stimulation that forces you to focus on a task, like a movie, a podcast, or a fitness instructor. 

2. Listen to music that allows your mind to drift. The best music for wandering varies by individual, but instrumental music tends to be a good option.

Still from A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

3. Get Outside. Spend time in the woods, on a mountain, near water — or anywhere outdoors where you feel more connected to nature.

4. Prepare and Eat Meals without Distraction. Focusing 100% on your food at mealtime is an important way to stay present, even if you’re eating alone. Resist the urge to multitask during meals.

Daufuskie Island, South Carolina

5. Sink into a Repetitive Task like cleaning, gardening, driving, knitting - again, without other stimulation that requires single-minded attention. 

Knitting, by Chu Kyung, 1938

6. Visit with a trusted friend where you’re both comfortable being yourselves and letting the conversation go where it may. 

7. Play music or do some art, just for fun. Art-making can be hard work, like when you’re trying to learn a song or practice a skill. To use the arts to go into default mode, it’s important to explore, experiment, and just play, with no expectations about the result. 

Summertime art party

Watching movies, sports and TV shows, listening to podcasts and reading, though often relaxing, don't send your mind into default mode, even if you’re chosen stress-relieving content. These might help you unwind, but your mind is still engaged in a task: following a story line and scanning for themes.

The Nagoskis emphasize that the conditions that provide us with mental rest vary by individual. The key is in knowing what works for you, and how to make the time for it. Not an easy task, with family, work, and social responsibilities, and within a culture that urges us to be productive every waking moment. But a well-rested mind will help us recover from mental exhaustion. It will help us be more relaxed, more energized, more creative, and less stressed out, internally and with others. Moving into default mode, even for a little while, is something we can do everyday to improve our wellbeing.

A Year of Art: Group Coaching for Artists of All Types

Huntington Gardens, San Marino, California

Are you working on an artistic project and could use some gentle accountability to stay the course? Or are you wanting to make more time for music, writing, dance, theater, or a visual art or craft? Either way, I invite you to get on track with your artistic plans and expand your circle of support through my one-year group coaching experience for artists of all types, starting in March.

The Monthly Group Coaching Sessions will include:

• A 15-minute presentation about a tool for managing creative anxiety and moving your practice forward

• A 35-minute round robin check-in and discussion: how is your work is going?

• A 10-minute closing activity where we set intentions for the month and activate a mindset for success

• The option to share work samples with the group through a Google folder

When: The 1st Friday of every month, 12-1 PM Pacific time, starting March 3rd.

Where:  On Zoom

Cost: $240 for 12 meetings. $200 when you sign up by Friday, February 24th.

Statue, Huntington Gardens. The Default Mode in action?